ME and MY BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don't do it, I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,

When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.

When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview

When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked

When I do good, my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong, he never forgets

Doctor Jacob's B"day

Want more? Get 'em @ coolslko.blogspot.com!

India Rocks Again... After Twenty four Years.........

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ASCII ZONE

Tumhare Paas Kya Hai......BACK UP........

A Coca-Cola Ad Aishwarya Rai

A Fairy Tail- Aishwarya Rai

Childhood Memories For Aish lovers

Childhood Memories For Aish lovers

Girls are always incomplete without Boys.....

WOMAN has MAN in it

SHE has HE in it

Mrs. has Mr. in it

LADY has LAD in it

MISTRESS has MISTER in it

MADAM has ADAM in it

HOSTESS has HOST in it

FEMALE has FEMALE in it so onthe list is unending

So No need to proud.....

Girls are always incomplete without boys

Movies Vs S/W Professionals

Movies and their meaning to s/w professionals

Sajan Chale Sasural : Computer professional coming to US.

1942, a Love story : Sticking to one company for more than a year.

Dil to Pagal Hai : Staying in India, dreaming of US.

Sapnay: Green card.

Sadma: Rejected H-1(B) Visa.

Khalnayak : Bodyshoppers.

Deewana Mastana : Project Manager - Team Leader.

Rakhwala: Project Manager.

Mr. Bechara: Computer professional in Singapore.

Zanjeer: Company bond.

Himmatwala : Breaking company bond.

Tohfa: H-4 Visa for your Wife.

Mawaali: Before coming to US.

Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman: Once you are in US.

Chaudhvin ka Chand: Assembly programmer.

Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam: Client, your company and you.

Shehanshah: Bill Gates

Why to get bored in office????---Try this...

If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips:

1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.

2. Make blank calls to your Boss.

3. Send mails from lotus notes (outlook) to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach
there. Then do vice versa....... ...... !!

4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.

5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).

6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.

7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.

8. Make faces at strangers in office.

9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.

10. Learn to whistle.

11. Revise last week's newspaper.

12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.

13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.

14. Enhence your Literature skills. you can author "1001 innovative ways to waste your day" to help your collegues

15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.

16. Have work breaks in between tea.

17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.

18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.

19. Look at someone & try to imagine how (s)he might have looked when (s)he was 5 years old.

20. Read jokes and send jokes.

21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.

22. Send this mail to only one at a time to every one in your contact list.

Winners of the "I Look like My Dog" Contest

Recently a contest held for pet-lovers and hundreds of pet-lovers participated in that contest.
here are the top 5 winners of that contest:

Winner No:1 Top Winner

Winner no:2 Second winner

Winner no:3 third winner

Winner no:4 fourt winner

Winner no:5 fivth winner

All Above are going to doggywood to participate in nextcoming doggywood movie..

A letter from Banta singh to bill gates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer
for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your
notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and
   whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column,
   only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed
   appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked
   with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in
   keyboard.
   Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I
   request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password
   is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '
   button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request
   you to check this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run '
   has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so
   that we can click that by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find
   only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost
   the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',
   but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from
   CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.
8. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
   sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,
Banta singh

Why Men die B4 women...?

According to a revised recent survey among millions of people it's again found that "Men die before women". Do you know what's the reason behind that...? Well nothing to say in words...I have described as follows....

Why it is better to use Gmail..?

Now there 's no need to invite by someone other to create you gmail account. You can create your gmail account just going to gmail and you can add attchment upto 20 MB in your mails now...watch more in this video how it's better .........

na tum janno na hum ?

kyon chalti hai pawan ?
because of evaporation

kyon jhoome hai gagan ?
because of earth's revolution

kyon machalta hai mann ?
because of excessive respiration

na tum janno na hum ?
but i just gave all the answers

kyon aati hai bahar ?
because of change in season

kyon lutata hai kaarar ?
becuase of mental tension

kyon hota hai pyaar ?
because of fatal attraction

na tum janno na hum ?
like i said these are all science phenomena

kyon gum hai har disha ?
because u have lost the sense of direction

kyon hota hai nasha ?
because of drug addiction

kyon aata hai maza?
because of food’s temptation.......

Some Funny Descriptions Here...

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT

2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output

3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses

4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions

5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems

6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping

7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds

8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines

9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly

10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors

11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings

12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible

13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort

14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers

15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go

17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.

18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India

19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.

20. PATNI: Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments.

21. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana

Here Gabbar and Sambha Again.........

Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Sambha: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Sambha: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Sambha: Beech mein koi nahi aata>
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Sambha: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Sambha: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Sambha: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do

Google SEO Updates SEO Tips and Strategies SEO and PPC Articles

Hey! Are You crazy to drive first

Husband VS Wife - More amazing video clips are a click away

Be a little careful while..... Chatting Online

Hello!

Here is something interesting...

Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.
Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's

Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

How Friendly Computer's Are..?

Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage a Programmers Vision

First Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Family system hangs because hardware (called parents) is not responding.

You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash!


Now for the Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible

Compatible with hardware (Parents).

You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back!

Arranged Marriage is like Unix... boring n colorless... still extremely reliable n robust.

Destiny....

During a momentous battle, a Japanese general decided to attack even though his army was greatly outnumbered. He was confident they would win, but his men were filled with doubt.

On the way to the battle, they stopped at a religious shrine. After praying with the men, the general took out a coin and said, I shall now toss this coin. If it is heads, we shall win. If it is tails we shall lose.

Destiny will now reveal itself.

He threw the coin into the air and all watched intently as it landed. It was heads. The soldiers were so overjoyed and filled with confidence that they vigorously attacked the enemy and were victorious.

After the battle. a lieutenant remarked to the general, No one can change destiny.

Quite right, the general replied as he showed the lieutenant the coin, which had heads on both sides.

hey! watch Kaitrina ...but its not from bollywood yaar

Indian team After World Cup

Munnabhai helps Microsoft launch Bollywood �Bots�

Buoyed by the success of the Munnabhai Bot on MSN India�s Windows Live Messenger, which allows online users to talk to Munnabhai, answer his riddles and win movie tickets and audio CDs, Microsoft is all set to introduce more Bots in the next three to six months time in India.

Chat Bots or Bots like the Munnabhai Bot, are computer programmes that are designed to scan for keywords in a conversation and in turn intelligently provide responses from a local database.

Head of Programming, MSN India and Windows Live, Krishna Prasad told moneycontrol that educational bots would soon be launched in India. He says, �In the next three to six months, you will witness the launch of many bots that will provide users with everything from flight information to cricket scores. This is an international product and right now we are customizing them for India.�

He adds, �It depends on how much time you take to train and populate the questions for the Bot. When Munnabhai came out, we had only ten questions and answers in the database, but over time as we added more questions to make the Bot smarter. It takes about a month to train the Bot. Many Bollywood related Bots would be launched soon. We feel that Bots will play a key role in providing a number of backend services.�

As part of its six-year anniversary celebrations, MSN India, unveiled on Wednesday, a new look MSN India home page, including four new channels and added services such as Windows Live Domains, Live Messenger and Live Search for online users in India. This service could soon be available on low-end mobile handsets in India by the end of this year, according to MSN India.

Always be well informed in your job...or you might miss a great opportunity.

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he
let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."


Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.

Always let your boss have the first say.

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of
smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The
manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."



So the -Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Anmerican job seeker 's here

An American job seeker started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6:00 A.M. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG) and charged his cell phone (MADE IN FINLAND). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans ( MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN SOUTH KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia), This job seeker decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV( MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in .... AMERICA

If you have any job 4 him plz let him know............